True love is the ultimate backstop.
Definition of backstop. (Entry 1 of 2) 1 : something at the back serving as a stop: such as. a : a screen or fence for keeping a ball from leaving the field of play.
There is this military term, backstop. It is used in the field navigation part of any mission. When you see your backstop (it can be a cliff, a special terrain feature, etc.), you’ve gone too far and you have to stop and re-assess. There are often many backstops, in case you miss the first sign and the second. Every mission has at least 3 backstops, according to a certain Navy SEAL.
This is exactly what happened in our relationship, Alley and I. I had some fail-safe mechanism that got triggered, automatically it seems. I had gone too far off course: I wasn’t training anymore (can you imagine!), I wasn’t eating keto anymore, I wasn’t the best to her (the worst part). All those backstops led to the realization that “Here I am, lost, seeing this sign that, well, I’m way off course”. In turn, this nagging feeling of emptiness and failure led me to split up with her. How am I suppose to be a leader when I flee the one I say that I love? Is it real love? What does it mean to love?
Seeing those backstops, going further and further down some bad territories had me panicking: and I ran.
Let me quote this: “As you reach a deeper level of conviction that your Divine Self is who you are and begin to transcend your ego, you open the door wider for all those who are ready for this step. As you increase your ability to embody and radiate the light of your Divine Self, you offer this expanded consciousness to everyone you know simply by your presence. “
I wasn’t offering her my Divine Self, for the ego swallowed it. I let down my guard and the enemy, myself, got in the way. She wanted to be in my presence, if anything, but I could not even be in my own presence.
“You’re not good enough for her”
”She would be better with another man"
”She isn’t working out at 0430 (neither did I, how lame)”
”You are a piece of shit, you say that you love her but you don’t listen to her.”
Lies and lies.
The conclusion, sadly, were two broken hearts (in reparation because we are some strong motherfuckers.)
I plead the Universe to give me another chance, another chance to my Self, really. To her. But sometimes life does not allow for a second chance: this is where one has to jump on Take Soul/Take Heart mode and go 400% full capacity on life and love and make sure to patch the fuck up and never ever go there again, to those fake ego-filled stopsigns. Train hard, stay focus as hell, and never leave this path. Pray that the Lord has some mercy upon your soul for a mere glimpse of time.
Allison is one of the greatest Being that I met on this plane of existence.
She’s also my mirror: She represented everything that I fear and admire the most: It is very confronting, very challenging sort of relationship…but when it’s good, it’s the best thing in the universe.
How could I kill the love?
Why is that?
Aren’t we truly the embodiment of heaven and hell, aren’t we.
One moment I offered paradise, the other I offered hell. I accepted the lie that “if I’d be so good for you, you wouldn’t have left me”. I thought that I left her, only to realize this week, at the end of 2018, that I left myself first. Alley was a victim of my own ego-driven life. Alley was the victim of my own lack-of-love.
I learned some other things. I went too far with extreme ownership. I owned some things that I shouldn’t have. I should have been clear, that agreeing with her does not mean that those things were also believed by me. I tend to take the blame, for it is a survival trick in the mining industry. Take blame, shot the ego, move on. But it doesn’t work like that within a relationship. Listening to someone and validating the way she thinks is okay: but truth has to be maintain. Feelings come and go, but factual events and truth remains, and sometimes it is something important to hold on to these bearings.
I am co-creator with the highest energy, right here, within me. I failed as a leader on every point: providing a safe place for her to express how she feels, how she thinks, what she wants. Failing at providing a home, physical, a place where she could have feel good. I failed at understanding her past.
This is a grim After Action Report and may it be a road map for the future, a map of a territory to never venture again. Its name is self-sabotaging, sponsored by my ego, to hurt others. No more. It doesn’t have to define the man that I am. Greatness is achieve by getting over challenges and failures. Getting back up is where you can judge the character of someone.
Some might say that I’m being too harsh on my self, that maybe she wasn’t the best, or xxxxxxxx or xxxxxx: none of that matters: when you consider someone your soulmate, you go till you can’t anymore without ever giving up. I entered the fight thinking I was above anybody else. I never thought that I could fail. Icarus flew too near of the sun and he fell in the ocean of destruction.
Never underestimate the enemy. It’s yourself. Never forget that you are not invincible. I fell hard in the ocean of hurt, for I hurt myself first and foremost. Can you live with the guilt of having left a twinflame? I was constantly reminded that I left her: it did not help. It took me everything I had to move on, to re-assess, come back to my Higher Self, connect with the Divine Energy and entered back the life line of Illuminated Being.
Nothing that this world throw at us is too hard to overcome: We just have to remind ourselves to go back on our knees, re-unite with our Higher Self, and crush that motherfucking ego. (Note: Sounds easy, but it takes a life time to get there hahaha)
I need to keep training on a spiritual and emotional plane of existence, for when the storm hits me, I fall back on this level, the level of training. My highs are very high: the problem is that I assumed that those highs were my benchmark for my being: they were not, and amidst our relationship issue, I felt below of what I considered a spiritually healthy individual.
Thank God Allison had some backstop too.
In the end, the fuel of my past failures will provide the necessary motivation to become the best lover that could be possible.
I wrote to Alley this morning:
In the heaven of Indra there is said to be a network of pearls, so arranged that if you look at one you sell all of the others reflected in it, and if you move into any part of it, you set off the sound of bells that ring through every part of the network, through every part of reality. In the same way, each person, each object in the world, is not merely itself, but involves every other person, and object and, in fact, on one level is every other person and object.
She sent me a picture of her mom playing Scrabble yesterday night. It hit me. I’m looking at her, Alley, I’m looking at my self. My own reflection is coming back: all of the beauty of the world is right here, right here to partake in this exciting intergalactic journey.
The greatest gift is this life: this ability to live, to love, to laugh and dance.
I failed at seeing my own potential through Alley.
I failed at loving myself.
I failed at seeing my own reflection.
The positive thing is, well, it doesn’t has to stay this way.
A positive new wave of infinite energy hit me straight through my heart.
Partly because I forgave myself, partly because the Universe hasn’t gave up on me just yet.
My deepest desires are known to the Universe and it echoes back to me, so quickly.
Forgiveness is a state of mind.
Happiness is a state of Being.
And true love is born of these two.
The illuminated mind is the illuminated lover.
Aiming at purity of intentions is aiming at love.
Saint Paul said, true faith isn’t something that comes from you, it is given to you as a gift, so nobody can brag about it. Maybe that’s the case with faith…when it comes to love, love comes from you but true love has zero bragging right in it.
I wrote this to myself a few months back: “Here’s a fundamental truth of the universe: It tends to go back to a state of harmony. You can resist all you want: But love will find its way. At all cost. At any cost. My suggestion is this: For a simpler, better life, a more fulfilling one, follow the path of love and harmony. But the path of harmony and love and joy and peace is not always what it appears to be. Sometimes, sometimes, the path to peace is the way of the warrior. It is by descending into chaos and hell that one can truly appreciate the power of love. It is by having a strong knowledge of the darkness that one can appreciate drowning in the sumptuous lightness of Love. There is no light without dark, and there is no winning without loosing.
[…] We forgot Love, this breath of life that made this world ! We forgot the sacredness of every living thing ! We forgot to live ! We forgot to be human ! Where there is sorrow, there is a holy ground. It is through a broken heart that genuine love can be build upon. Maybe the Earth will rebuild itself with a new kind of love. I hold this has my current belief. A man has the right to hope.”
True love is the realization that everybody around you is a version of you.
True love is giving.
True love forgives everything.
True love comes from sorrowness: For the holy ground that forms the sacred home of two lovers is paved with tears of joy and pain.
True love is reachable only through an egoless self.
True love is about the other...through a deep understanding of who you are. It’s about you: that’s how the other will feel loved.
True love is so powerful that nothing can stand in the way.
True love is the most powerful weapon given to the human race.
True love is the ultimate backstop: you should stay there and ran back to love when you see true love.
The circle is then tight, complete, and blissful.
Alley, may you find bliss and may we find ourselves again on a multidimensional dancefloor.
From ever to fail to ever to excel,
From ever to fail to ever to excel.
One cannot go back in time, but one can use the fabric of reality to create a better world, a more loving existence. The universe heals itself. I hate to say that, but this whole ordeal was a game-changer for me. The realization of one’s depravity of heart is one heck of a thing. Over and over, this life goes one, trying to reach nirvana.
Thank you for everything Alley,
Read in Reddit: “I am a person very driven by the universe. It took me years to meet my twin flame. It was love at first sight, our connection was (is) very deep. After two long term relationships, meeting him turned my entire world upside down. Every wall I had built crumbled, every doubt I had about love disappeared. We shared every part of ourselves with each other. He knew things about me I had never told another living soul. Then it happened....the fear of our connection got to me and I pushed him away. We entered the classic runner chaser phase. It did not take me long to realize I had made a mistake but it was too late, I had hurt him. We tried again with little effort on his half because as he said, a nagging fear in the back of his head kept telling him that it could happen again despite the fact he loved me and I was the person that made him happy and he saw us being together forever. And just like that, he became the runner. He believes in soul mates but not to the extent I do and I've never pushed the twin flame discussion on him. We both knew and felt we were meant for each other, that was enough for me. But now, he is running out of fear. He decided he could not see me again as the feelings were too strong and he could not risk a repeat of what had happened before. I reacted in anger and said things I should not have, cursing him out for everything he has done to hurt me this past month by ignoring and dismissing me all while claiming he loved me and wanted to be with me.....he has blocked me on Facebook. I assume he blocked my number as well but have not called to confirm. I know my words hurt him but he had gotten me to a point that I hurt so bad I wanted him to feel it, too.
What do I do? I have no idea how to react now that I am not the one running and he has cut me off. I know he loves me. I love him. How does this come full circle? Can it?”
Someone replied with two words.
I met my twinflames last August, in Atlin. It’s something that we both knew. I used to call her my soulmate, thinking it was the highest connection one could make…
There’s actually a little known connection out there…even stronger. The strongest and most sacred of all relation: Twinflame relationship.
Not everybody agree: It seems that, for those that made it work, they say that it is the most wonderful relationship two beings can experiment. For those we fail at it, well, they call bullshit on it. Fair.
I saw her coming in my dreams even before I knew she existed. It is basically a reflection of my higher self made physical. It’s my mirror: it does show me everything I fear, admire, fond of, and, well, afraid of. The mirror is her, Allison.
We hit 20 out of 20 of this list: https://lonerwolf.com/20-twin-flame-signs/
You feel a strange, inexplicable sense of “recognition” when you meet the person. This might manifest itself as déjà vu, or an unshakable feeling that you’ve known this person before, or are somehow “meant to be together.”
You have a feeling that they are going to play a very important role in your own development, without knowing when, why or how.
You’ve established an immediate, intense connection with them that is invigorating and shocking at the same time.
You feel as though you’ve finally found a “home” or safe place with the other person.
You both embody the yin and yang, in other words, your dark side is balanced by their light side, and their dark side is balanced by your light side.
You feel a sense of expansion with them, as though you are larger than your limited identity.
They make you a better person, and you make them a better person.
When together you are both bonded but free, attached but unattached. In other words, you still maintain your freedom even though you might be in a relationship with them.
You are finely tuned to their energy, and they are finely tuned to yours. This means that you are both very conscious of the present play of energy (whether happy or sad, angry or forgiving, open or withholding) present in the connection. You’re both therefore highly empathic with each other.
You feel as though you have been waiting for this person your entire life.
You both connect deeply and mirror each other’s values and aspirations for life beyond surface similarities.
You twin flame is a mirror of what you fear and simultaneously desire the most for your own inner healing. For example, if you are a highly-strung person, your twin flame will most likely be relaxed and messy. If you like to play the victim, your twin flame will be a strong character who refuses to give you pity or sympathy to perpetuate your complex. If you are creatively repressed, your twin flame will be a flourishing artist. In this way, our twin flames challenge and infuriate us but also teach us important lessons about our fears, core wounds and repressions.
No matter how many times you avoid or leave your twin flame, you’re always magnetically attracted back to them. (Don’t confuse this with abusive relationship complexes.)
One of you is more soulfully mature than the other, and often serves as the teacher, counselor or confidant within the relationship.
You are taught important life lessons such as forgiveness, gratitude, empathy and open-mindedness by them and with them.
Your connection is multi-faceted. In other words, your twin flame is likely your best friend, lover, teacher, nurturer and muse all at once.
Your twin flame doesn’t try to change you. They accept you for who you are and what stage you’re at, and encourage you to do the same for yourself (and vice versa).
You can be truthful with each other about anything.
Together, you both feel driven towards a higher purpose, whether spiritually, socially or ecologically.
She is the representation of everything I ever wanted and chased: She’s the Most Beautiful World that I spent a life to chase and craft. She is this person for me. When we connected, it was just an overwhelming indescribable bliss, unlike anything ever before.
Twinflame relationships are more like trial by fire relations: the death wood has to burn. It has to. It isn’t a comfortable relationship at first.